Sestina in April

Don't keel over, but I am already posting this month's sestina..... it is true. I know, usually the day or week or month after is the norm, and I'm telling you now, don't think this is setting a new norm!


This one is meant to be funny or at least a bit ironic. After working for 4 hours in the little "cabin" that was built around our little department in the store this is what I wrote. 


Just got to say
This cage is too much!
I can't see
What or who.
Why would you do this?
What will you gain?


Little gain
with lots to say,
that is how this
becomes too much;
for whom
will I ever see?


Sunlight I can't see.
Just the impression to gain
a shadow of who
might come and say
"Hey, how much?"
All I have is this.


Coffee in this 
jail is something to see.
To smell to know how much
I have to gain
from learning what not to say
and to whom


By the way, who
does this?
I would like to say
""take it down, I can't see"
I know what that would gain.
A little too much.


So when much
more than who
is to gain
becomes this
way to not see
what can I say?


Who gains from this?
Too much to say, not much to see.


As a shameless plug: if you are in the Springfield area come to HyVee this week and see what has happened! We are transformed to the Wilson Creek Battlefield! Caribou is Edward's cabin, and this Friday and Saturday we are supposed to have a lady spinning yarn. The whole store looks pretty cool! 

Catch Up!

Beach chairs!!

First Iris of the spring!

Newest addition to our back  yard.

Can't wait for this to bloom!!

Roses!

It has been over a month. I'm a bad blogger. I'm over it and I hope you are too! :)
I do have a sestina for the month of March. And these are some pictures of just a few of the things going on with us. I have had so much going on this semester! I don't think I could begin to blog about any of it. So we will move on! Here's is promised sestina.

March 2012
Sun rising in a clear sky
Dandelions shining faces
That first cut grass smell
Brisk early mornings
Perpetual joy of bird songs
Heavy downpour raked with thunder

Yes, some of what I love about spring is thunder
The season lends us an ever changing sky
And ceaseless reason to let our hearts sing
Redbud dogwood tulip pansy faces
Smiling with the bright cheer of morning
A thorough pungency in the air

Everyday is full of treasures brought through the air
To be enjoyed but all the senses    Thunder
Rings the night     and in morning
Is quickly replaced by the blue sky
And children adoring every second with their faces
Upturned and their hearts full of song

Was it so very long ago that my heart full of song
Was the embodiment of childhood    When did the air
Heavy with grief fill my face
Silence of lightning soul of thunder
Wash the world ignite the sky
Dream big and keep going in the morning

The brevity of morning
Is mirrored in the song
Of flowers in spring   The sky
Offers no mercy the warm air
No lasting reprieve    Thunderous
Is my longing for an everlasting springs' face

So short a time with the pansy faces
Shine    Brief is the chill morning
The length of a clap of thunder
Is the time when all is new   Songs
Change   grow quieter  Sultry will be the new air
And time shows us the sky

Fleeting and wonderful these morning faces
I want nothing so much as thunders song in the air

(One of these days I really will be ready with a polished sestina fit for reading!)

 I couldn't resist these anemone. I went for manure and added some beauty to the day. I've had such fun getting outside and preparing the garden for the season. And I've been paying more attention to how I feel physically as I work. I have stopped for a breath and a drink of water more frequently and I feel fantastic! I can't wait to plant some veggies and flowers and maybe a couple new herbs.... haha, "maybe" haha, I crack me up!

Our third wedding anniversary is coming up and I have been trying to start a tradition of giving gifts which will add to the comfort and beauty of our bedroom. Last year I found a great cotton blanket big enough to use for our main cover, and cool enough for summer. I had great plans for embellishing it....still do for that matter. This year we are going to work together to make a headboard. Jason made us a bed the week after we got married, now we need a headboard. I wanted a padded one so I could sit up a bit more to read at night and be comfy, so I'm making the cover for the board and he is making the board! This is a picture of the center of the cover, or rather of the blocks I'll use to make the center. One of these days I'll post about the quilting group/class/thing I've joined this year.... I'm learning so much!!

About the Dr. visit. My liver, kidney's and thyroid are perfect! So he wants me to loose a pound a week and in a month if I've done that then we'll just keep monitoring things. He thinks that if I can keep loosing weight that will fix the problem. But there is a chance that it won't affect it at all, so if after loosing a significant amount of weight I still have high blood pressure then we will look into prescriptions.
Now, on the one hand a pound a week doesn't sound all that hard. On the other hand it doesn't sound like enough, and yes, in this case there are three hands, on the other hand being consistent and making these changes permanently sounds too hard. But I hate the idea of being on blood pressure meds. So I'm trying. I haven't been back to the Dietitian, so I don't have any news about more potential weight loss. When I do, I will report it. I need to get back in the habit of daily exercise. I got out of it because the 10 days or so after Dr said no more cardio, I was very ill.... gardening doesn't count, at least not for me. So, here's to hoping I can reincorporate that into my daily routine!!

Sestina for February

Before I give you the poem I will let you know that due to some pressure from well meaning and dear friends I went to the Dr. about my blood pressure. It is high, but on the boarder as far as needing to be medicated. However some of the episode type things which have happened to me along with other information lead him to order a lot of blood work and an EKG, the results from which I will not have until Monday. So, I'll let you know what is up with that next week. He did say good job for starting with the dietitian and for loosing 4lbs since I started seeing her and 16lbs since my highest weight on record.

Now for some poetry.

I decided to do something simple to see what it was like. For the shortest month of the year, this Feb, has been quite long! So this is what I have.

I want to scream
I want to cry
I want to wail
I want to be still
I want to sing
I want to soar

I need to soar
I need to scream
I need to sing
I need to cry
I need to be still
I need to wail

I must wail
I must soar
I must be still
I must scream
I must cry
I must sing

Let me sing
Let me wail
Let me cry
Let me soar
Let me scream
Let me be still

I know how to be still
I know how to sing
I know how to scream
I know how to wail
I know how to soar
I know how to cry

Now I will cry
Now I will be still
Now I will soar
Now I will sing
Now I will wail
Now I will scream

Cry sing, wail scream,
Be still        soar

Quick, Eat Something!

Not really.
It does feel that way some days though.
I met with the Dietitian. The good news is that my cholesterol and glucose are fine. My triglycerides...... and blood pressure..... Not so great. Bad in fact.
And my eating habits are abysmal.
So she gave me some direction and told me to keep a food journal and I am surprised by some of what I'm learning about me and food.
Mostly it is not enough to take this one day at a time for me. I need to go more like one part of the day at a time. But if I do that then it is doable. hehehe, just got to be focused and determined and so on and so forth. She gave me a lot on information about protein and carbohydrates, and a formula to be sure I'm getting enough of each kind. It is funny because I now eat three meals and two stacks. I am to watch the portion sizes - this is the funny part - I find that I think what is the right amount for snacks and breakfast and lunch are too big, but sizes for dinner are too small. But balance is key, throughout the day, and everyday.
I don't drink nearly enough water, or anything really. So getting used to drinking, hydrating again is challenging. I was consuming around 2 glasses of water a day and 2-4 cups of coffee and about once a week drinking a soda. To get me started I am to drink at least 4 glasses of water a day and have as much water as I do coffee when I have coffee. I am going to float away! But it's only been a day and I feel better. :)
Jason is super duper supportive. We do the pilates fusion videos together whenever our schedules allow for it, and when they don't he does that and I do something...just not always the pilates. 13 days of exercise down. !!! Go us! We take Saturdays off. :)
All in all things are going well. Plugging along with school and enjoying life as a barista!

Making It Real

This is the view of our livingroom for a time most days of the week.

A couple weeks back, Jason started doing an exercise routine everyday before work. I've wanted to incorporate exercise and activity to my daily routine, but consistently failed. So we began doing it together most days. 

It is nice to go for a walk with the man I love. We can talk through anything from what we're doing with the rest of the day/weekend, to how we feel about various events. And when we do a video together its nice to have someone there sharing the pain and triumph of completing the whole video! 

I am going to see the nutritionalist at work this week. We are going to create a plan and hopefully solve some of my health problems. Time will tell. But I feel good about sticking with a plan that is for my life and that my life's partner supports. 

Big changes are happening, but in small doable steps and I am not making these changes alone. I am just about the happiest, most blessed girl in the world.

January's Sestina

I wrote this while on break at work today. I've been thinking a lot about my favorite place lately. I love my husband, profoundly and into my bones. This poem is still quite rough, I might try writing February's poem earlier in the month and have some time to refine it before posting.... we shall see, any who, here it is.

I am profoundly content

When resting in his arms

Death and destruction

Are kept at a distance

While his strength

Holds my heart

Fragments of my heart

Begin to content

Themselves  strengthened

While held by his arms

His own pain distant

I pray for no destruction

Yet I know I may need destruction

For the depths of my heart

To stop keeping him distant

And allow for contentment

To fill me to my arms

And imbue me with strength

Seeping through my veins strength

Grown from the roots of destruction

Flowing in me through my arms

My legs my hands my heart

Yet with this I am not content

Not while he is distant

Looking toward the distant

Future I pray for strength

For the chance to still be content

Hoping to survive destruction

Massaging the depths of my heart

His love flows straight through his arms

Timeless in his arms

I work to ever lessen the distance

And keep my feet in my heart

So I can draw strength

Still from the past destruction

And what I learned about contentment

Our arms joined in strength

Contentment and heart

Despite any amount of distance or destruction

Sestina and Me

I don't know how many of you know what a sestina is. I think to save time I will provide a link here and you can look it up for more about it because I don't know how well I would do at explaining it this morning.
I learned about them as a teenager and found the form fun and fascinating. I have never mastered the genius of writing one that made obvious sense, or told an understandable story, as some poets have, and can accept that I very likely never will. But everyone needs a goal, right? Today I am posting one that I wrote eons ago. I will not explain what it means because I like the reader to take ownership and get what they can out of poetry.

Sestina Op.2 No.5

Everything I ever wanted I found in you

Remind me what do I want?

Here prostrate in the light of candles

I have no soul

I have not the strength to search

The depths of truth

Will you fill me find my truth

That I might in the grace that is you?

Or is it solely my job, this search?

I do too much thinking and want

Only to know the life of a soul

As I ritualistically lay in front of candles

Before now as I was lighting the candles

I was thinking of the phrase burning truth

What would it be? How would it take my soul

Or is that a part of the magic of you?

My questions are innumerable and not what I want

Not the things themselves, just the tired search

Oh, I don’t want to get up, I don’t want to search

To do more than languish in the light of candles

I don’t know what I need, do you know what I want?

Can you? All knowing why not show me truth

Just throw me a bucket of you

I’ll lie here while it falls, finding my soul

Are the core and the soul

The same? I search

But can you

Who made the light of candles

Who personifies truth

Can you give me want I want?

I know I know it doesn’t matter what I want

 I need to find my soul

Can’t I know the truth

Must I ever search

Here with only me and candles

 For I cannot find you

Come I say to you but not to my soul

Rituals and candles questions and wants

But fatal searches and still can’t find truth

So, why am I posting this? I used to write one poem every month. I want to do that again, and I want to write sestinas. At least for a while. It's like having a puzzle to solve, or a mystery to crack, and who doesn't like doing that? Sure, I could just keep watching British mystery shows, but really, wouldn't this be at least marginally more productive? And guess what?

I'm going to share them with you. 

School Book

I made a book last spring with the express purpose of giving me a place to do some art journaling about my undergrad experience.

 

So, I am finished with it finally. I thought I would share.

Dragonflies for Christmas

We had a lovely quiet Christmas. We both worked on Christmas Eve, then he worked on Christmas day. I had a quiet time, catching up on some projects and such. All in all a very nice time. The weather isn't very Christmasy, but I am not going to complain about it!! 

 Jason designed and built this cabinet for me for Christmas! I was so surprised and happy!

We got it hung up and I filled it with things which are precious to me.

I also went for a jog on Christmas. First real attempt at that, and it went well. I figure it was a year a go when my cousin and Aunt ran their first 5k, I should really get started!

4.0

Yes, I earned straight A's for the first time in my MSU college career in my first semester of grad school. It was a crazy four months, what with the new job and learning how best to handle the fact that I wasn't in class very much, but had to study twice as much, yet it worked out.
I know for a lot of people straight A's are just about as common as dandelions, but I was never able to commit myself to all those stinking gen ed classes! I didn't care what my grades were in the gen eds as long as I passed them. I strangely, perhaps stupidly, believed that what would count when trying to get into a grad program were my degree specific grades. I think I was wrong. But there are advantages to staying in Springfield and at MSU for a couple more years, so I am trying to make it count as much as I can.
Oddly enough I thought I would have time to blog at least once a week.
Obviously that didn't happen.
I'm not going to foolishly commit to any such thing either.
However, I do think that I could use this blog to help me reach my next important goal.
Last summer I did pretty good about going for a walk everyday. I was exercising a little almost everyday. Since school started I have done nothing. Nadda. Zip. I know in order to get healthy I need to exercise and eat right. Surprisingly enough, I have got the eating part down. I made myself about a months worth of meals, all healthy and full of veggies, and froze them. I have no excuses not to have an actual meal everyday, two even. :) I have noticed a difference. Now I need to up the ante and get moving.
I think once a week would be doable, but I'm not promising to blog that often once school starts. I will keep track of my daily activity, or at times lack of it, on a chart and then when I remember post it in my blog.
Fingers crossed, I hope this helps!
And YAY!!! for a good semester!

Bedded Down for the Winter

 Early last week I took advantage of a couple of warm days coinciding with a couple of days off and got the yard/gardens tucked in for the season.

 As you can see it was kind of a mess in the back 40, and the clean-up was much needed!

 This is the flower bed. The Castor Bean took over! I Loved this plant and will probably grow one every year for as long as I can.

 After I got the herb garden spruced up I had to take some photos of the little gnome.

 This is the flower bed ready for winter..... I hope. :)

 See, isn't that better? All the grass is trimmed and the dirt is turned, and the birds have some food.

And when there is a spot or two of warmth outside we can have a sit down and enjoy it. :)
This is the month of Thanksgiving. Many of my friends on Facebook are posting daily the things they are grateful for. I did something like that last year, but I am entirely too busy to commit to posting anything on a daily basis right now. I will say though that I am very grateful for the good old out doors, and for my parents encouragement of my love of gardening. Papa was always happy to let me help with gardening and encouraged me along in my first flower and herb bed adventures, and mom had such a good eye for beauty and what flowers and plants looked nice together. There are a lot of reasons I am thankful for my parents, but given the theme of this post I think it's good to point out this one.
And while I'm at it, I am exceedingly grateful to my husband for building garden beds for us/me. He is always so happy to help me with anything, even building me my very own garden tool box! I count myself as one of the luckiest, most blessed girls ever!

Let me tell you a Story

 It begins (well, this is not REALLY where it begins. It REALLY begins MONTHS ago ) on a beautiful sunny autumn day...

 Two happy love birds set forth into the unknown with a tuck and trailer loaded with their hard work and some camping gear...

 When they finally arrive at their destination and set up camp a fire is started and dinner happens, followed by delicious smores made from HUGE marshmallows, then a quick clean-up and to bed.... I would like to be able to show you a picture of the sky at night, it was AMAZING! Then they woke super early and crept to the showers of warmth to begin the longest day ever...

 Now, just because it was the longest day ever doesn't mean it was a bad day. It started out wonderful. We met Linda for breakfast and then headed to down-town Poplar Bluff to set up our shops. The balloons were provided and the day was beautiful. We met a lot of interesting people, and had a few sales, and learned a LOT about vending at an event.

 At one point I thought I could eat a baseball sized marshmallow in one bite....not so much! Which is a good analogy for the end of the day. See, we had to pack up everything, which wasn't so bad, then drive for four hours in the dark.....after being awake since 5am.... that WAS hard. THEN we got to unload everything! All told that day was really only about 22 hours long, but geesh! I don't think we'll do it quite that way again. Next time we will camp again. (I could camp every night)

This is what my life looks like now. And will do so for a few months....or more. I happen to like this view though, so it is good.
Life is good, and that is a perfect end to the story.

Melody Joy

Today is a day to celebrate! Today I am grateful for yet another year in the life of one of the best friends I have known. She is well loved by many, and deservedly so, but I would like to take a moment to mention a few of my favorite things about Melody Cutbirth.
She is courageous. I know of few people so willing to be vocal about their beliefs, and particularly about their beliefs about how we should treat each other. But boy howdy, you will learn to watch yourself around her! And I say Good!
She has a beauty that is so innate that she can't see it. It shines through in the way she cares for others, but mostly this gift flows through her dance and her writing.
She is also willing to try new and scary things in an effort to achieve bigger and better things for her life. I know how hard that is, and what a struggle it can be in the day to day living to just try and keep your nose above the waves, but she does it. Not only that, but she does it with grace, beauty and humanity.

I say watch out world: you ain't seen nothin' yet!!
Happy Birthday Melody!!

Mom

My mom had many sayings. When I was a child I remember hearing, "If you have to ask, the answer is probably no." "It's no fun to pick on someone who doesn't react." "Just because so-and-so does it doesn't mean you can." and various other advisory type things. Most good moms use these phrases daily, and thank Heaven they do!
But I also remember hearing a lot of "I love you bunches and gobs and mountains full." "Nothing you ever do or say will change the fact that I love you now and I always will." "God's love is perfect, but I'll try to match it." "I love you, period." My mom is full of love for her daughters, and we will never doubt it or forget it! Happy Birthday Mom!! I'm so glad YOU are my mom (and I didn't get saddled with someone else!).

This Day

I will never forget where I was on this morning Eight years ago. 

I had decided to go to my favorite place to watch the sunrise. 

I knew that day was special.

I knew that I was going to be an aunt again, and this time it would be a girl!!

I also knew I had to work.

So early in the morning I was up before the sun.

I went to my place and sat and as the sun rose I quietly sang my favorite lullabies and put the finishing touches on Serenity Anne Crousore's baby afghan.

9/11 is such a sad day for so many,

for me it is a beautiful day which I choose to spend in celebration.

Even when I can't be there physically, 

I always celebrate this day.

I always celebrate this girls life.

I love being her aunt.

Someday we will live closer and I hope we will be good friends.

Happy Birthday Serenity!!!

Designing

I think this tray was intended to be a ravioli mold, but it works well as a color pallet too. This is the color scheme for two of the purses I've made thus far. I don't feel like I'm accomplishing enough. But I know even the poky puppy gets there eventually, and if I just keep at it, I'll get there.
Why do I need to keep poking along?
Jason and I are hoping to be among the crafters selling theirs goods at the Iron Horse Festival on Oct. 1. I say hoping because they haven't got back with us to confirm our place. It will be one day, and our first attempt at something like this. So I think we are both coming at it with the idea that this is an experiment. Hopefully a productive and good one!
One of the things I'll be selling are hand made purses made from recycled, or upcycled jeans. I'll also be putting them on Etsy when they are finished. Soon I'll post pictures of some of what I've done thus far.
I'll also have hats and button jewelry for sale. Beyond that I don't think I can go. Not with grad school in full swing. :)
Jason has been working away on all things wooden. I am so proud of him. We are both mostly work, work, work right now. It's a tad exhausting, but it feels good to see what we've produced and to know we are working toward our goals.

A Quickie

 This is an unique spice rack from my parents. The spices in it were pretty old and so I discarded them and cleaned the whole thing.

 And now use it for seed beads. These are beads I had in bags or which were not well contained, some of them were even among the assortment of gifts I received this year for my birthday.

Including this lovely tea service and a tray hand made by my husband. I am one lucky girl!!

My Man and His Tree

 Jason decided he needed to cut down a tree, by himself, with an ax. My Uncle Chris had offered for him to come and take wood from his property, so, that is what he did.  He had plans for making a spring-pole lathe which began with a freshly chopped tree...

 

So he chopped.

 And he chopped.

 Then he chopped the other side.

 I think he took it just a little bit farther than this before it started to fall.

 But then it got hung up on a smaller tree. So we went inside to take a break and visit with family. It was 102 degrees outside, so I decided hanging out in the house for a while was wise. Meanwhile Jason got right back out there and began working on getting the smaller tree down. 

 When I came back his tree was down! The chopping up into smaller pieces was done with a chainsaw. But because of the heat, the gas kept boiling, so we would rest while the little machine cooled down. 

Here you can see the loaded wood and other stuff. I was busy helping while we loaded and sawed the logs, so not surprisingly there are no pictures of those events. It was a hot day, and the work was hard, but now he can say he not only knows how to chop down a tree by hand, but has done so. 

Since then, he has been working away and making his lathe, so perhaps soon, I will show you what his tree became.