Why am I writing this? I should be doing my morning pages. I was thinking about that word. Morning. Mourning. One of my dearest friends is going through something, mourning. I am mourning. It's a strange process that takes everyone differently, I think I've avoided the pages because that's where I can write anything, and I don't know if I want to. But I do know that I need to. Guess I better get to it then.
Monday, July 26, 2010
It is early. It is Monday. I've been trying to be sure and be up and at 'em around 6am every morning Mon-Thur. I like to have quiet mornings to myself. With a husband on the night shift you'd think that would be easy. But unless I am up at 6 or during school sometimes 5, it isn't possible. It's been great to go out and spend sometime weeding and mowing a little bit everyday. Sometimes I remember and take the radio out with me and listen to Morning Edition on NPR. I'll be heading out there in a few minutes. The sun has turned the clouds on the horizon gold, I can see them through the trees in my neighbor's back yard. The birds will be singing, the crickets will be scattering, mornings are magic to me. It's not something I think I could share with anyone, and I know I enjoy it best when I'm alone. I've always liked to be alone in the mornings. Which, when I was younger I think was weird to some, and hard for my fellow morning person dad.
Posted by Lucinda at 6:48 AM
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Looking at my blog just now and seeing the previous posts title, "learning" got me thinking. Jason and I like to "watch some learning", which just means that we watch a documentary rather than a fiction movie or show. My dad said to me, well, my mom too now that I think of it, more than once, "I'm still learning". That would be said at so many different times and occasions, and was good for me to hear, good for me to know. We never stop learning. Not ever.
Today is my dad's 60th birthday. I am very proud of my father, for a lot of reasons. Last month I posted about him for father's day. Both of my parents have been so many things to me in my life. I guess that's what parents do. They provide, teach, discipline, lead, laugh, love, protect, etc... that could get long and ridiculous. How many people though, can say their parents learned? Right in front of them learned life lessons and had the wisdom and humility to say so out loud. WOW.
Friday, July 16, 2010
I've been thinking lately about finishing things, and making different, and/or better choices. Such as, my going through my fabric and deciding that it was silly to hoard it all until I'm the size I want to be, if I can make the clothes, by golly I can make them smaller when the time comes! So now I have a new summer wardrobe for the cost of some thread and my time. One piece is pictured above. I LOVE that fabric!! Got it for a dollar a yard years ago and have been sitting on it, carting it around with me from here to where ever. Some things I even had cut out and ready to be sewn, just hadn't done it yet! I also went through my closet, and with the help of my husband managed to cull the weak, so to speak. It feels good.
But I have to say, as I've gone through this process I think about when I bought the fabric, or the pattern or what ever. I know most of this is stuff I don't NEED now, didn't NEED then, and etc... I'm committed to not buying anymore fabric unless it's for a project I'm actually working on and have a committed time frame for. Back when Jo and Abby and I were out dress shopping and hat shopping they talked about shopping therapy. I've done that. Not for clothes or shoes, but for fabric, yarn, ribbon, thread, buttons, you get the point. But how therapeutic is it to do that and then just hoard the stuff? This project of going through my stuff and finishing things has been more therapeutic than buying any of it ever was!
So, it's still a daily thing. Choosing to spend my money on things I'm going to use or consume wisely, deciding to make something and be creative rather than vegg out in front of the computer or TV, making a healthy meal at home and not drive thru for junk. But one day at a time is the only way to do it.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
These were taken on the 24th of June, the tomatoes were much much bigger by the time we got back from vacation. They were heavy with all the green tomatoes, especially the two not cherry varieties, the Amish paste had actually started roots off the vines that were along the ground and were growing toward the fence! Many tomatoes were spiting and rotting, it was a MESS!
Yet, when it came time to prune them Jason pointed out all the tomatoes we were throwing away, all green still. He seemed surprised that I was so sure about cutting them off and tossing them out, and even that I didn't hesitate. Well, I want some good tomatoes this year, so even though there wasn't anything "wrong" with them, no disease, or pest or what have you, they had to go. I know I can trust in the productivity of what we still have. Here they are all staked up and still laden with fruit! And we can now clearly see the basils and the ground beneath so as to keep it free of weeds, which at the beginning of this day it was not. I have already enjoyed lots of the cherry toms this week and am looking forward to the bountiful and continuous harvest I'm sure we will have this summer.
I've been thinking how much like life this is. How important it is to stop once in a while and look at the bigger picture. See how spread out one is. Will there be any chance of a good harvest if we are pumping our energy into too many things? Of course not! It is good to look at your life every so often and do away with the unnecessary. Not because it's bad, or there's anything wrong with it, but because it is distracting from what is most important. Such as one's spouse, or children, or what hobbies really do bring complete relaxation. This life is too short to spend stressed out and tired all the time, but it's quite easy to get that way with out noticing when we aren't doing a thorough inventory of our lives from time to time.
Well, enough of that, the preacher in me is coming out, can't have that!! Must wake my husband up from his much needed and deserved nap. :)
Friday, July 2, 2010
Today my sister turns 29. I have loved her for 29 years. When she moved to VA I felt like I was living 100 years ago and watching her sail across the Atlantic. That's just how far it felt, and how hard I thought it would be to go see her. I worried that her children wouldn't know me, or that because they only saw me rarely they wouldn't like me, I worried that she'd either love it so much she never came back to visit or would have so many friends out there that she wouldn't think about me, I worried about a lot of things. I am a big sister, and that's what I do. :)
But the fact is that I haven't been the only one loving my sister for 29 years. As much as sisters fight as teenagers they bond too, and we have a bond that has stood up to many a test. I have been in her corner even when it meant defying people I loved and respected, sometimes even when I wasn't sure she was right, because the point wasn't who was being defied, or who was right, the point was then and will always be that she knows I'm with her. It's hard sometimes as adults, hard because I know she is strong enough to face anything that comes her way, she has the courage to stand on her own two feet and fight for what she wants, what she knows is right, and I know how hard that fight can be, it's hard to let her be all she can be. I often resist the urge to fly out there and "fix" things. Not because she's not doing it right, but because there are morons in the world and they don't treat her the way I think they should, and I'll tell them that any day. But that wouldn't help. The only way any of them will start treating her right is for her to tell them that in her way and her time, or for her to tell them to just get lost. :)
I see her strength every time I see her children. I am so proud of her I could just burst! They are three of the smartest most well behaved kids I've ever known. They have manners that rival Ms. Post, and for all their sibling bickering it is clear that they love each other and will stick together against whatever bully any one of them must face. I used to think that it would be frustrating to be a mom and have everybody focus on that all the time, and maybe it is, I know that's not the only wonderful thing about her, or even the most wonderful, but man, her mothering is impressive! Those children are testament to her courage and fortitude, to her grace and capacity for love, to her kindness and understanding, and even to her ability to discipline.
There was a time I wanted to own an art gallery. I wanted to have a place where artists like my sister and my friends could display their talent and even do shows involving music and drama. I've been so blessed to be surrounded by such talented and expressive people, the first of which is my sister. So Jo-Jo, make some art today, make your day your art, do whatever comes to your heart. I love you!
Posted by Lucinda at 8:13 AM