Sunday, January 16, 2011


This past week was a cold one. The first part of the week we had days where the temperature literally did good to get to 14. My poor 17 year-old car didn't like this. To be specific the transmission didn't like it. On Thursday, January 13 she finally gave up the ghost, or whatever it is cars give up.
Jason has been telling me to figure out what type of car I want for that day when I need to get a new one, for months, more than a year perhaps. I have some money saved for a car. I picked out several that I liked, but it wasn't until recently that I realized that the kind I want and what I can afford with what I have saved don't match, not even a little bit. We checked around in cities outside the Springfield radius, within Springfield the prices are high, absurdly so. But I still haven't saved enough.
My lovely Toyota Camry wagon has been good to me. My sister had her before me. I've had her for almost 7 years. The longest I've had any car. I slept in that car, more than once. That car was a safe place when I didn't think I had one more times than I can count. I didn't realize how attached I was until this week. It's just a car. But it isn't. There are memories attached to that car -- I was driving that car when Abby called to tell me that Grammy had died. I drove away from bad times in that car. There are a lot of good and bad memories. That car was my independence for so long.
I named her, my sis had named her Draco, but she hadn't read Harry Potter. It was from the movie Dragonsomething and just means dragon. So I renamed her Lady Jane Dragonfly. Naming cars is something our friend Helen taught us and I am likely never going to stop doing it. I am unashamedly sentimental about a myriad of things only some of which make any kind of "sense".
Jason's parents made us an offer which I cannot refuse. I am so grateful to them. We had gone to a few car places. We had actually talked with a car salesman and I sat inside a new car. The whole thing was pretty stressful for me. I has thought that I would be giving Lady Jane to a friend of mine and picking out the car I wanted, or something very close to it. I didn't think she would just be dead and too far gone to warrant the money to fix. So when Joe and Linda offered for us to basically buy Linda's car for a song, the relief I felt was immense. No, a Buick isn't on the list of cars I want, but this car is in good condition, has only had two owners and we know them both. This car will be a dependable ride for a few years and in that time I can save up enough to get the car I want without the stress of being forced into a decision I don't want to make in the first place.
And now I will tell you that, while this is the most prominently stressful thing which has happened this week, it isn't the only stressful thing, or even the most overall stressful thing of the past week. Life is full of challenges; my life is full of people helping me meet those challenges. I am so blessed. I am so grateful.

Monday, January 10, 2011

The Value of Why

It has occurred to me recently that I don't ask why enough. I sometimes over answer the question when I'm asked, yet when I need to voluntarily explain why I fail to.
I baby sit a five-year-old who starting in his forth year asked why in response to almost everything he was told, at least what I told him. I did my best to give him real answers. But sometimes I found myself saying "Because I told you", or "It just is". Why? Because I was sure more than half the time he was asking why because he didn't know what else to say, or because he didn't like my first answer. So then I started reminding him to think first, not to just say why when he was frustrated with me or didn't like the answer, because I want to answer him when he really doesn't understand something, but if he says why all the time I'm going to stop answering him. He seemed to get that. Sometimes I feel sorry for he and his brother, I have such a backwards way of saying things on a good day, and they have to put up with me most days, good, bad, and otherwise.
I digress.
So many misunderstandings, frustrations, and blow ups in life could be avoided if we just stop and ask why. I don't mean we should expect other people to explain things to us, but that we make the effort to show them that we want to understand, or simply that we don't understand. What are we afraid of? Looking stupid? Speaking only for myself, I'd have to say it's a bit late for that. Being embarrassed or embarrassing someone else? That may happen, but isn't that better than loosing a friend?
I guess spending all that time in the truck on the road last week gave me time to ponder.
It takes guts to ask why. You have to be ready to hear the answer. So I'm not advocating random why's, or thoughtless explorations, but I do think in my life I'm going to ask why of myself as often as I can. I don't want to wander around this life. No I don't.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


Am traveling with my husband. So the listening log is happening, but posting them will be later. Having a good time with family though!!