I miss Grammy, she always said she would dance at my wedding every time I stated that I would never marry. But she has been bed ridden for a few years now. The first time she met Jason, he hadn't proposed, I wasn't even thinking marriage, but she pulled me down close and asked if "we'd set a date". When I told her no, we're not engaged, she said, "you should". I was so relieved when Jason hadn't heard that! She is suffering from dementia, one time when I went to see her I think she thought I was her younger sister, I told her my mom would be there it a while and she was acting like a little kid and telling me we wouldn't tell "her", mom, about "it". I'm not sure what "it" was, but she figured things out once mom and I were both there in the room. So when Jason and I went to see her and give her an invitation to the wedding,
(she was the first to receive one) it was incredible that she remembered him! Even his name and how he was connected to me.
She has had such an impact on my life. There are so many things about me that she always knew and would talk about with me without my having told her about them in the first place. She was constantly telling me she was proud of me, that she loved me and that she was praying for me daily. I was always worried that I didn't/don't deserve that kind of love, that I'm not worthy of her pride, but I've come to realize that she was giving me something to strive for while at the same time assuring me that I as I am at anytime am loved and treasured beyond measure. I know she feels that way about all of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She is a treasure, a blessing. I'm so grateful to my Aunt and Uncle in Joplin for making sure she is well cared for and as comfortable as possible in these last years.
Speaking of pride, I got 100% on the final exam in one of my music classes and that secured as A in that class. I'm always temped when I get 100% to think that they were being nice and gave it to everyone. But I know that I would never do that as a teacher, so I hope no one does it for me. I'm now very motivated to hit the books and finish this semester right!
And one more thing. Vicky asked our friend Jen to bring the DVD of last falls Hips Noir over so I could watch my solo. It was my first belly dance solo and I have this memory of just standing up there twirling my veil around like a lasso.....but that only happen for a few seconds toward the end, and whereas the preceding stuff wasn't exactly what I'd practised, it wasn't BAD. And I know what I want to do this year, and have the motivation to do it! Good times.