FAT

I haven't posted anything in a while. I've been sick, some sort of cold bug that's going around. I've also been so frustrated. About a month ago I went to the Dr. for the first time in years to talk about potential reasons for my inability to loose weight. A month before that Jason and I went on a low calorie diet. The goal was not to exceed 1500 calories a day. We kept little journals of what we ate and how many calories and weighed in weekly. I promised him that if I didn't loose any weight at all I'd go see a doc. Well, I averaged between 900 and 1300 calories a day and lost not a pound. The Dr. had a thyroid panel, cholesterol panel, and my blood sugar tested. My thyroid was high, which means that it's slow, and my cholesterol was bad. Total was 203, and the good was low while the bad was high. My blood sugar was fine. So she put me on something for the thyroid and told me to exercise. At first we thought HORAY!! a reason, and a solution! I lost some weight in that first week, then gained some and am a month later at the same place I was when I started. Being sick for the last two weeks I have not exercised, but still, that's frustrating. Yesterday they took blood and did the thyroid again and also something called hemogloben something or other. I expressed concern that I might be diabetic, but the Dr. doesn't seem to think that's the case and since that test came back normal I guess she's right. Also, the thyroid is normal, so I can keep taking that medicine. YAY. (please hear the sarcasm)

Why am I writing about this? Because this is my blog and I can write about whatever I want, and, because I'm tired of being ashamed of my weight. I know that I got fat by eating too much of the wrong stuff, and that lately my activity level has been nil. But dammit, I want to live a long and healthy life! This is me. This is who I am. I'm fat. I'm not proud of that, but I'm not going to apologize for it. And I'm certainly not going to hide from it. No maim.

What now? Well, for starters I'm going to be brave and be honest. I want to get on here and at least tell what I ate and how much I exercised before bed everyday. But I know me. I'll give up if I think it's forever, or even for more that a short time. So for now the goal is just this week. Between now and next Tuesday I will get on here and update what I ate and if I exercised and if so how much. And on Tuesday I'll decide if I should do it another week.

Today, I had...wow, I was bad today, I don't want to type this...oh well, truth can hurt. Two sausage mcmuffins and a non-fat-late for breakfast, a crunchwrap for lunch, and cashew chicken for dinner. Way more than 1500 calories. I feel terrible, not just in the guilty way, but also physically. I slept about 5 hours last night and have walked about 20 min today. I have not drunk much water and I had a soda with lunch. I just had some yogurt = 70 cal. and some OJ = I don't know how many cals. Hopefully I will do better tomorrow.

I don't know what the answer is, but I don't think being frustrated and angry is going to get me anywhere. Hopefully I can assuage some of that here, and if you don't like it, you don't have to read about it. :)