Sestina in April

Don't keel over, but I am already posting this month's sestina..... it is true. I know, usually the day or week or month after is the norm, and I'm telling you now, don't think this is setting a new norm!


This one is meant to be funny or at least a bit ironic. After working for 4 hours in the little "cabin" that was built around our little department in the store this is what I wrote. 


Just got to say
This cage is too much!
I can't see
What or who.
Why would you do this?
What will you gain?


Little gain
with lots to say,
that is how this
becomes too much;
for whom
will I ever see?


Sunlight I can't see.
Just the impression to gain
a shadow of who
might come and say
"Hey, how much?"
All I have is this.


Coffee in this 
jail is something to see.
To smell to know how much
I have to gain
from learning what not to say
and to whom


By the way, who
does this?
I would like to say
""take it down, I can't see"
I know what that would gain.
A little too much.


So when much
more than who
is to gain
becomes this
way to not see
what can I say?


Who gains from this?
Too much to say, not much to see.


As a shameless plug: if you are in the Springfield area come to HyVee this week and see what has happened! We are transformed to the Wilson Creek Battlefield! Caribou is Edward's cabin, and this Friday and Saturday we are supposed to have a lady spinning yarn. The whole store looks pretty cool! 

Catch Up!

Beach chairs!!

First Iris of the spring!

Newest addition to our back  yard.

Can't wait for this to bloom!!

Roses!

It has been over a month. I'm a bad blogger. I'm over it and I hope you are too! :)
I do have a sestina for the month of March. And these are some pictures of just a few of the things going on with us. I have had so much going on this semester! I don't think I could begin to blog about any of it. So we will move on! Here's is promised sestina.

March 2012
Sun rising in a clear sky
Dandelions shining faces
That first cut grass smell
Brisk early mornings
Perpetual joy of bird songs
Heavy downpour raked with thunder

Yes, some of what I love about spring is thunder
The season lends us an ever changing sky
And ceaseless reason to let our hearts sing
Redbud dogwood tulip pansy faces
Smiling with the bright cheer of morning
A thorough pungency in the air

Everyday is full of treasures brought through the air
To be enjoyed but all the senses    Thunder
Rings the night     and in morning
Is quickly replaced by the blue sky
And children adoring every second with their faces
Upturned and their hearts full of song

Was it so very long ago that my heart full of song
Was the embodiment of childhood    When did the air
Heavy with grief fill my face
Silence of lightning soul of thunder
Wash the world ignite the sky
Dream big and keep going in the morning

The brevity of morning
Is mirrored in the song
Of flowers in spring   The sky
Offers no mercy the warm air
No lasting reprieve    Thunderous
Is my longing for an everlasting springs' face

So short a time with the pansy faces
Shine    Brief is the chill morning
The length of a clap of thunder
Is the time when all is new   Songs
Change   grow quieter  Sultry will be the new air
And time shows us the sky

Fleeting and wonderful these morning faces
I want nothing so much as thunders song in the air

(One of these days I really will be ready with a polished sestina fit for reading!)

 I couldn't resist these anemone. I went for manure and added some beauty to the day. I've had such fun getting outside and preparing the garden for the season. And I've been paying more attention to how I feel physically as I work. I have stopped for a breath and a drink of water more frequently and I feel fantastic! I can't wait to plant some veggies and flowers and maybe a couple new herbs.... haha, "maybe" haha, I crack me up!

Our third wedding anniversary is coming up and I have been trying to start a tradition of giving gifts which will add to the comfort and beauty of our bedroom. Last year I found a great cotton blanket big enough to use for our main cover, and cool enough for summer. I had great plans for embellishing it....still do for that matter. This year we are going to work together to make a headboard. Jason made us a bed the week after we got married, now we need a headboard. I wanted a padded one so I could sit up a bit more to read at night and be comfy, so I'm making the cover for the board and he is making the board! This is a picture of the center of the cover, or rather of the blocks I'll use to make the center. One of these days I'll post about the quilting group/class/thing I've joined this year.... I'm learning so much!!

About the Dr. visit. My liver, kidney's and thyroid are perfect! So he wants me to loose a pound a week and in a month if I've done that then we'll just keep monitoring things. He thinks that if I can keep loosing weight that will fix the problem. But there is a chance that it won't affect it at all, so if after loosing a significant amount of weight I still have high blood pressure then we will look into prescriptions.
Now, on the one hand a pound a week doesn't sound all that hard. On the other hand it doesn't sound like enough, and yes, in this case there are three hands, on the other hand being consistent and making these changes permanently sounds too hard. But I hate the idea of being on blood pressure meds. So I'm trying. I haven't been back to the Dietitian, so I don't have any news about more potential weight loss. When I do, I will report it. I need to get back in the habit of daily exercise. I got out of it because the 10 days or so after Dr said no more cardio, I was very ill.... gardening doesn't count, at least not for me. So, here's to hoping I can reincorporate that into my daily routine!!

Sestina for February

Before I give you the poem I will let you know that due to some pressure from well meaning and dear friends I went to the Dr. about my blood pressure. It is high, but on the boarder as far as needing to be medicated. However some of the episode type things which have happened to me along with other information lead him to order a lot of blood work and an EKG, the results from which I will not have until Monday. So, I'll let you know what is up with that next week. He did say good job for starting with the dietitian and for loosing 4lbs since I started seeing her and 16lbs since my highest weight on record.

Now for some poetry.

I decided to do something simple to see what it was like. For the shortest month of the year, this Feb, has been quite long! So this is what I have.

I want to scream
I want to cry
I want to wail
I want to be still
I want to sing
I want to soar

I need to soar
I need to scream
I need to sing
I need to cry
I need to be still
I need to wail

I must wail
I must soar
I must be still
I must scream
I must cry
I must sing

Let me sing
Let me wail
Let me cry
Let me soar
Let me scream
Let me be still

I know how to be still
I know how to sing
I know how to scream
I know how to wail
I know how to soar
I know how to cry

Now I will cry
Now I will be still
Now I will soar
Now I will sing
Now I will wail
Now I will scream

Cry sing, wail scream,
Be still        soar

Quick, Eat Something!

Not really.
It does feel that way some days though.
I met with the Dietitian. The good news is that my cholesterol and glucose are fine. My triglycerides...... and blood pressure..... Not so great. Bad in fact.
And my eating habits are abysmal.
So she gave me some direction and told me to keep a food journal and I am surprised by some of what I'm learning about me and food.
Mostly it is not enough to take this one day at a time for me. I need to go more like one part of the day at a time. But if I do that then it is doable. hehehe, just got to be focused and determined and so on and so forth. She gave me a lot on information about protein and carbohydrates, and a formula to be sure I'm getting enough of each kind. It is funny because I now eat three meals and two stacks. I am to watch the portion sizes - this is the funny part - I find that I think what is the right amount for snacks and breakfast and lunch are too big, but sizes for dinner are too small. But balance is key, throughout the day, and everyday.
I don't drink nearly enough water, or anything really. So getting used to drinking, hydrating again is challenging. I was consuming around 2 glasses of water a day and 2-4 cups of coffee and about once a week drinking a soda. To get me started I am to drink at least 4 glasses of water a day and have as much water as I do coffee when I have coffee. I am going to float away! But it's only been a day and I feel better. :)
Jason is super duper supportive. We do the pilates fusion videos together whenever our schedules allow for it, and when they don't he does that and I do something...just not always the pilates. 13 days of exercise down. !!! Go us! We take Saturdays off. :)
All in all things are going well. Plugging along with school and enjoying life as a barista!

Making It Real

This is the view of our livingroom for a time most days of the week.

A couple weeks back, Jason started doing an exercise routine everyday before work. I've wanted to incorporate exercise and activity to my daily routine, but consistently failed. So we began doing it together most days. 

It is nice to go for a walk with the man I love. We can talk through anything from what we're doing with the rest of the day/weekend, to how we feel about various events. And when we do a video together its nice to have someone there sharing the pain and triumph of completing the whole video! 

I am going to see the nutritionalist at work this week. We are going to create a plan and hopefully solve some of my health problems. Time will tell. But I feel good about sticking with a plan that is for my life and that my life's partner supports. 

Big changes are happening, but in small doable steps and I am not making these changes alone. I am just about the happiest, most blessed girl in the world.

January's Sestina

I wrote this while on break at work today. I've been thinking a lot about my favorite place lately. I love my husband, profoundly and into my bones. This poem is still quite rough, I might try writing February's poem earlier in the month and have some time to refine it before posting.... we shall see, any who, here it is.

I am profoundly content

When resting in his arms

Death and destruction

Are kept at a distance

While his strength

Holds my heart

Fragments of my heart

Begin to content

Themselves  strengthened

While held by his arms

His own pain distant

I pray for no destruction

Yet I know I may need destruction

For the depths of my heart

To stop keeping him distant

And allow for contentment

To fill me to my arms

And imbue me with strength

Seeping through my veins strength

Grown from the roots of destruction

Flowing in me through my arms

My legs my hands my heart

Yet with this I am not content

Not while he is distant

Looking toward the distant

Future I pray for strength

For the chance to still be content

Hoping to survive destruction

Massaging the depths of my heart

His love flows straight through his arms

Timeless in his arms

I work to ever lessen the distance

And keep my feet in my heart

So I can draw strength

Still from the past destruction

And what I learned about contentment

Our arms joined in strength

Contentment and heart

Despite any amount of distance or destruction

Sestina and Me

I don't know how many of you know what a sestina is. I think to save time I will provide a link here and you can look it up for more about it because I don't know how well I would do at explaining it this morning.
I learned about them as a teenager and found the form fun and fascinating. I have never mastered the genius of writing one that made obvious sense, or told an understandable story, as some poets have, and can accept that I very likely never will. But everyone needs a goal, right? Today I am posting one that I wrote eons ago. I will not explain what it means because I like the reader to take ownership and get what they can out of poetry.

Sestina Op.2 No.5

Everything I ever wanted I found in you

Remind me what do I want?

Here prostrate in the light of candles

I have no soul

I have not the strength to search

The depths of truth

Will you fill me find my truth

That I might in the grace that is you?

Or is it solely my job, this search?

I do too much thinking and want

Only to know the life of a soul

As I ritualistically lay in front of candles

Before now as I was lighting the candles

I was thinking of the phrase burning truth

What would it be? How would it take my soul

Or is that a part of the magic of you?

My questions are innumerable and not what I want

Not the things themselves, just the tired search

Oh, I don’t want to get up, I don’t want to search

To do more than languish in the light of candles

I don’t know what I need, do you know what I want?

Can you? All knowing why not show me truth

Just throw me a bucket of you

I’ll lie here while it falls, finding my soul

Are the core and the soul

The same? I search

But can you

Who made the light of candles

Who personifies truth

Can you give me want I want?

I know I know it doesn’t matter what I want

 I need to find my soul

Can’t I know the truth

Must I ever search

Here with only me and candles

 For I cannot find you

Come I say to you but not to my soul

Rituals and candles questions and wants

But fatal searches and still can’t find truth

So, why am I posting this? I used to write one poem every month. I want to do that again, and I want to write sestinas. At least for a while. It's like having a puzzle to solve, or a mystery to crack, and who doesn't like doing that? Sure, I could just keep watching British mystery shows, but really, wouldn't this be at least marginally more productive? And guess what?

I'm going to share them with you.